This is an aspect of goal setting and resolution-making we need to take head on, but few people do! This is the Joker in our personal cognitive pack of cards housed in our minds. Just like the Joker on the card table, in cognitive terms our self-talk can count as a beneficial high value card, or - just as easily - a devastatingly low card!
I am assuming that you are disconcerted by your self-talk, for if you were not, why read this article.
So then, we need to apply some real self-discipline at this point. We need to work together to create the most effective strategy for you to harness this feature of ourselves so it works for you rather than against you.
Let’s put Self-Talk in a clear context for a moment. Clearly you have noticed the incessant chatter going on in your head! What is actually going on, you ask? And whose opinion is this inner voice expressing?
The part of you that wants to achieve the goal you have set for yourself, is quietly convinced you can attain it and remains quiet about it..But the other part of you, the part that is certain you will fail or at least is far less convinced of your success, won’t shut up!
But why does part of you think that? And why does it drip feed your mind with these incessant negative messages?
Almost certainly it is because your sub-conscious mind remembers that you have failed before and has never forgotten it! Or maybe it cannot find any evidence you have not done anything similar before and it could simply be because your sub-conscious is not comfortable with your intention to stretch yourself so far. Therefore it tries to discourage you in order to protect you against the risk of failure and disappointment
. ”Ah! My Dad always said I would always buckle under a challenge”. Or “ My English Teacher always said etc etc.”
Yet not a single word has been uttered by you out loud! All this goes on merely in your head, re-playing these thoughts the moment your mind falls idle.
The lesson to be learned from Part 1 is we need to accept that everyone has this type of conversation going on inside their heads. It is not just you that has this problem! We all have it, but what separates the successful from the less so, has a lot to do with the way they manage their self-talk.
We all know how helpful self-talk can be sometimes and yet how parallelising, insidious and de-motivating it can be at other times. Controlling it and directing it is vital for us to be more effective. We need to learn how to think of ourselves as our best friend
I will get on to that in Part 2.
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Self Talk Part 2, Be Our Own Best Friend
We may indeed have decided that we really do want to achieve our stated goal. But unprepared, the self-talk going on in our head can still blast us out the moment we hit the first obstacle. But it can be changed!
All too often we can hear not one but two voices within us arguing with each other, particularly when our dilemma over something is acute! If the negative voice wins out, the speed with which the doubt created by our self-talk can strike is both formidable and of crippling effect.
Even suppose our picture of our goal is vivid, convincing and carries our over-riding commitment. Unless we keep telling ourselves that it is definitely and totally what we want and that we are up to the challenge, our ship is cognitively holed below the water line by the inner voice!
Now try this exercise! Make time to listen to people talk around you and you can hear so often the same dilemma you have within, being discussed by them out loud. You can hear family members, friends or employers talking up those around them and encouraging the best in them. Or you may hear the same people talking apparent opportunities down, and worse, talking others down and reinforcing the worst in them.
The truth is we each already know instinctively the part we can play so easily in this. We can help a conversation to become positive or negative. Surely one mini goal we should all have is never knowingly to talk anyone down, least of all ourselves.
It is a fact that the more that we talk others up, the more we are likely to talk ourselves up too. It is a frame of mind! Just reflect on some of the damning things you know you say to yourself about you under your breath sometimes. Imagine!
If a friend said the same things to you about you with the same conviction and out loud, just how long would you stay friends with them! Not a minute longer! So why do we do it?
But what is happening inside our heads when this is all going on under our breath.
Each time we do it, we feed the same deep-seated, damaging self-image of ourselves. Instead of feeding it, we should be killing it off by starvation!
So be your own best friend in terms of everything you say to yourself.
Stop maligning yourself, doubting yourself and undermining constructive moves you make.
If you want to look for example of how to do this, again you have to look no further than sports stars in the top echelon of their sport. Interviewed after a below average performance, they never run themselves down and they are already reflecting positively in regard to their next encounter.
The greater, the more complex and challenging your goal is, then be prepared to be even more of close friend to yourself Why, because the sheer scale of the challenge can make it more likely that it is the self-doubt that will kick in and set the negative self-talk in motion. The key to this is finding and directing our preferred mental mind game to fend off the negative messages, neutralise and even silence them.
So now you know, will you just go and do it? If only if it were that simple! You will need to practise and practise. I am afraid it is a skill to be acquired as well as understood.
Try it before reading more in Part 3
All too often we can hear not one but two voices within us arguing with each other, particularly when our dilemma over something is acute! If the negative voice wins out, the speed with which the doubt created by our self-talk can strike is both formidable and of crippling effect.
Even suppose our picture of our goal is vivid, convincing and carries our over-riding commitment. Unless we keep telling ourselves that it is definitely and totally what we want and that we are up to the challenge, our ship is cognitively holed below the water line by the inner voice!
Now try this exercise! Make time to listen to people talk around you and you can hear so often the same dilemma you have within, being discussed by them out loud. You can hear family members, friends or employers talking up those around them and encouraging the best in them. Or you may hear the same people talking apparent opportunities down, and worse, talking others down and reinforcing the worst in them.
The truth is we each already know instinctively the part we can play so easily in this. We can help a conversation to become positive or negative. Surely one mini goal we should all have is never knowingly to talk anyone down, least of all ourselves.
It is a fact that the more that we talk others up, the more we are likely to talk ourselves up too. It is a frame of mind! Just reflect on some of the damning things you know you say to yourself about you under your breath sometimes. Imagine!
If a friend said the same things to you about you with the same conviction and out loud, just how long would you stay friends with them! Not a minute longer! So why do we do it?
But what is happening inside our heads when this is all going on under our breath.
Each time we do it, we feed the same deep-seated, damaging self-image of ourselves. Instead of feeding it, we should be killing it off by starvation!
So be your own best friend in terms of everything you say to yourself.
Stop maligning yourself, doubting yourself and undermining constructive moves you make.
If you want to look for example of how to do this, again you have to look no further than sports stars in the top echelon of their sport. Interviewed after a below average performance, they never run themselves down and they are already reflecting positively in regard to their next encounter.
The greater, the more complex and challenging your goal is, then be prepared to be even more of close friend to yourself Why, because the sheer scale of the challenge can make it more likely that it is the self-doubt that will kick in and set the negative self-talk in motion. The key to this is finding and directing our preferred mental mind game to fend off the negative messages, neutralise and even silence them.
So now you know, will you just go and do it? If only if it were that simple! You will need to practise and practise. I am afraid it is a skill to be acquired as well as understood.
Try it before reading more in Part 3
Self Talk Part 3 Be Your Own Best friend.
I hope you have been practising hard, avoiding the negative talk and looking for the constructive between finishing Part 2 and beginning this part. Before you exclaim, Oh No! Not this positive talk rubbish. Let me say, that is exactly what it is! What is more, it amounts to a very simple choice for each one of us.
The choice will come as no surprise! Talk to ourselves and we subtract from our effectiveness. Whereas if we keep positive in our thinking we add to that effectiveness.
There is a book called the Attitude Factor which shows the benefits even to one’s health of being ones own best friend.
But if you found practising it difficult, you may like to use this computer metaphor to help you.. When the thrust of a negative thought appears on the screen in your mind, quite simply you click on a metaphorical “Select All” button in your head and with the whole negative thought captured, then press “Delete!”
If you don’t like that, then audio machines allow us to delete material on CDs and DVDs, so you may prefer the mental imagery of that. Similarly, just imagine your negative thoughts are now on tape and that you simply record positive ones over them.
Another one would be an imaginary form of zapper - rather like the remote control for a TV. Or if the metaphor of putting your mental phone on “divert” works well, then try that.
Going back in your mind to an unrelated past experience filled with success and positive images for you could be yet another.
Think up a strategy which allows you in your own private idiom to zap negative thoughts. This is exactly what professional sports men and women and those in the Armed forces are trained to do to raise their game. There is nothing untried or speculative about it. Practise and it works. Don’t and it doesn’t
Does it begin to work immediately? Yes, certainly with smaller things, but you can get better and better at the bigger issues the more you address negative self-talk head on.
Should you never listen to these negative thoughts?
Well not entirely. Listening only for constructive criticism which can give ourselves great value is to ignore our own potentially valuable warning signals. If the thoughts warn of dire consequences, merely ask yourself, “Does this make sense?” Is the anxiety based on real facts or does it rely merely on instinctive subconscious fear? Just do not give the time of day to the insidious, negative mindless stuff we can sometimes inflict on ourselves all too easily.
And stay with your vivid picture of your unfulfilled new goal. Never lose the opportunity to go making it even more vivid using by reinforcing it from data you obtain. See yourself all the more clearly in the picture and able to reflect on your achievement as though you had already got it done.
Good Luck. Keep your inner voice positive. And if your intellectual good sense still finds it difficult to win over the panic and anxiety, we still have Part 4 left to practise a more structured solution.
The choice will come as no surprise! Talk to ourselves and we subtract from our effectiveness. Whereas if we keep positive in our thinking we add to that effectiveness.
There is a book called the Attitude Factor which shows the benefits even to one’s health of being ones own best friend.
But if you found practising it difficult, you may like to use this computer metaphor to help you.. When the thrust of a negative thought appears on the screen in your mind, quite simply you click on a metaphorical “Select All” button in your head and with the whole negative thought captured, then press “Delete!”
If you don’t like that, then audio machines allow us to delete material on CDs and DVDs, so you may prefer the mental imagery of that. Similarly, just imagine your negative thoughts are now on tape and that you simply record positive ones over them.
Another one would be an imaginary form of zapper - rather like the remote control for a TV. Or if the metaphor of putting your mental phone on “divert” works well, then try that.
Going back in your mind to an unrelated past experience filled with success and positive images for you could be yet another.
Think up a strategy which allows you in your own private idiom to zap negative thoughts. This is exactly what professional sports men and women and those in the Armed forces are trained to do to raise their game. There is nothing untried or speculative about it. Practise and it works. Don’t and it doesn’t
Does it begin to work immediately? Yes, certainly with smaller things, but you can get better and better at the bigger issues the more you address negative self-talk head on.
Should you never listen to these negative thoughts?
Well not entirely. Listening only for constructive criticism which can give ourselves great value is to ignore our own potentially valuable warning signals. If the thoughts warn of dire consequences, merely ask yourself, “Does this make sense?” Is the anxiety based on real facts or does it rely merely on instinctive subconscious fear? Just do not give the time of day to the insidious, negative mindless stuff we can sometimes inflict on ourselves all too easily.
And stay with your vivid picture of your unfulfilled new goal. Never lose the opportunity to go making it even more vivid using by reinforcing it from data you obtain. See yourself all the more clearly in the picture and able to reflect on your achievement as though you had already got it done.
Good Luck. Keep your inner voice positive. And if your intellectual good sense still finds it difficult to win over the panic and anxiety, we still have Part 4 left to practise a more structured solution.
Self Talk Part 4 Be Your Own Best Friend
So everyone has this inner voice to a lesser or greater effect. And it can be harnessed and trained to be more helpful. To do this, one needs to adopt a cognitive trick to channel out needless and senseless self-talk.
If there is one recurring negative thought still bugging you, then research it, turning your mind to focus on it. Try to seek out its origin from among your past experiences. See the threat it seems to represent in the total context of your life and your new goal. As the same negative thought reoccurs, tell yourself how less and less it squares with the new image and information you have.
There is another excellent book by Tim Laurence called ‘You Can Change Your Life’ and based on the Hofman Process of improving your Self-Awareness. It suggests another solution. Laurence advocates that where your emotions kick in hard and your inner voice begins to drown out all reason, that we should try his clever suggestion.
Visualise the two parts of you. First see your emotional self designed to warn you of all and any danger to life and limb. Then envisage the other part, your intellectual and considered self. Whenever the emotional side goes on a rampage yelling at your intellect and constraining it from doing calmly and calculatingly what you think would be best to do, listen to the ideal, imaginary conversation between them.
Listen to the emotional rampage for a moment. Then hear the Intellect very calmly thank the Emotional part for bringing the caution and warning. Hear it go on to promise to the Emotional part that the Intellectual part will take heed in future of the anxiety, while it considers the most effective way ahead to complete the task.
Many people are simply not aware of the sheer scale of research on human thought and behaviour. This has been occurring extensively across the world, particularly in the last three decades.
In the context of Self Talk, what has been proven is the great influence our relentless inner self talk has on the relevant self-image we have of ourselves. This appears to be true in any particular aspect of our lives. Self-talk can talk up that relevant self-image and in consequence increase our resulting performance. In so doing it can create a wonderfully strong virtuous circle. Equally, it can talk our situation down, lower our ultimate achievement level and become a vicious cycle of negativity.
But there is even more to this!
Research has shown that in the absence of any other influence, we meet and deal with challenges, not according to our actual ability but according to our perceived level of our ability - our self-image in that situation.
In other words if we think we can do it well we can even exceed our actual current ability, by performing, as it is sometimes said, ‘out of our skins’. But if our view of ourselves is poor, then we perform well below that inherent ability we have.
So, at the end of this four par article, some concluding questions for you to ask yourself on
Self Talk and some resolutions to make.
“Am I fully aware of both the value as well as the potential downside of my self-talk?”
“Doesn’t everyone benefit from it or suffer by it, as they choose?”
“Shouldn’t I desist right now from giving myself verbal abuse? Which mental strategy of those listed am I choosing to “delete” or “divert” this abuse?”
“Shouldn’t I be my own best friend in terms of everything I say to myself?”
“Isn’t it time I identified and applied my own strategy to screen out my destructive self talk?”
“Instead of running myself down, let me advise me, counsel and encourage me
constructively.”
“I will keep in the forefront of my mind the fact that we meet and deal with challenges not according to our actual ability but according to our perceived level of our ability - our self-image as represented by our Self Talk.”
Think well and be your own very best friend.
If there is one recurring negative thought still bugging you, then research it, turning your mind to focus on it. Try to seek out its origin from among your past experiences. See the threat it seems to represent in the total context of your life and your new goal. As the same negative thought reoccurs, tell yourself how less and less it squares with the new image and information you have.
There is another excellent book by Tim Laurence called ‘You Can Change Your Life’ and based on the Hofman Process of improving your Self-Awareness. It suggests another solution. Laurence advocates that where your emotions kick in hard and your inner voice begins to drown out all reason, that we should try his clever suggestion.
Visualise the two parts of you. First see your emotional self designed to warn you of all and any danger to life and limb. Then envisage the other part, your intellectual and considered self. Whenever the emotional side goes on a rampage yelling at your intellect and constraining it from doing calmly and calculatingly what you think would be best to do, listen to the ideal, imaginary conversation between them.
Listen to the emotional rampage for a moment. Then hear the Intellect very calmly thank the Emotional part for bringing the caution and warning. Hear it go on to promise to the Emotional part that the Intellectual part will take heed in future of the anxiety, while it considers the most effective way ahead to complete the task.
Many people are simply not aware of the sheer scale of research on human thought and behaviour. This has been occurring extensively across the world, particularly in the last three decades.
In the context of Self Talk, what has been proven is the great influence our relentless inner self talk has on the relevant self-image we have of ourselves. This appears to be true in any particular aspect of our lives. Self-talk can talk up that relevant self-image and in consequence increase our resulting performance. In so doing it can create a wonderfully strong virtuous circle. Equally, it can talk our situation down, lower our ultimate achievement level and become a vicious cycle of negativity.
But there is even more to this!
Research has shown that in the absence of any other influence, we meet and deal with challenges, not according to our actual ability but according to our perceived level of our ability - our self-image in that situation.
In other words if we think we can do it well we can even exceed our actual current ability, by performing, as it is sometimes said, ‘out of our skins’. But if our view of ourselves is poor, then we perform well below that inherent ability we have.
So, at the end of this four par article, some concluding questions for you to ask yourself on
Self Talk and some resolutions to make.
“Am I fully aware of both the value as well as the potential downside of my self-talk?”
“Doesn’t everyone benefit from it or suffer by it, as they choose?”
“Shouldn’t I desist right now from giving myself verbal abuse? Which mental strategy of those listed am I choosing to “delete” or “divert” this abuse?”
“Shouldn’t I be my own best friend in terms of everything I say to myself?”
“Isn’t it time I identified and applied my own strategy to screen out my destructive self talk?”
“Instead of running myself down, let me advise me, counsel and encourage me
constructively.”
“I will keep in the forefront of my mind the fact that we meet and deal with challenges not according to our actual ability but according to our perceived level of our ability - our self-image as represented by our Self Talk.”
Think well and be your own very best friend.
Tuesday 9 March 2010
Helping Us Understand And Change Ourselves
There is so much we can do improve our effectiveness as people. If we want to change and are willing first to understand what the issues are, then we have made a great start. The next step is to apply us willingly to the process. Posted on this blog are observations from me and helpful articles from various authors to set you thinking. If I can help you further do leave comments on the Blog. Gerry Neale
Monday 8 March 2010
Want to Write a Book? Five Tips to Set and Achieve Your Writing Goals
If you want to write a book, or tackle any other important writing project, then setting clear, powerful goals can put you on the path to success. No matter what you hope to accomplish, the following five tips can help you get there.
1. Define Your Goal
The first step in setting and achieving goals is to determine what exactly you want. Strong goals are specific goals. For example, "I want to devote more time to writing this year," doesn't have as much meaning as, "I will spend one hour a day writing my book." "Devoting more time to writing" offers too much flexibility. Spending one hour a day writing is much more specific and easy to understand. So be clear about what you want if you really want to see a difference.
2. Give Yourself a Deadline
Putting a deadline on your goals gives you a target to aim for and allows you to gauge your progress with a timeline. For example, if you want to write a book this year, you might give yourself an intermediate deadline for completing the first draft and a final deadline for completing your revisions. This timeframe will help you moving forward and give you checkpoints to aim for on the path to success.
3. Be Realistic, but Stretch Yourself Too
Overly lofty goals are often unattainable, which can be frustrating and disappointing. If you aim too high, then you risk giving up on your writing goals. So make sure your goal is something that you can reasonably achieve in the timeframe you've established for yourself. At the same time, don't set your goals too low. Stretching yourself a little will make your success that much sweeter-and you'll feel empowered to accomplish even more!
4. Write Your Goal Down
We've all heard that if you want to make something happen, you have to write it down. And it's true-writing down your goals gives them more power. Writing your goal in an important place that you can revisit often will help you stay focused, as opposed to writing it on a napkin or scrap of paper that eventually gets thrown away. So write your goal in your journal or on an index card that you carry with you all the time.
5. Envision Your Success
If you really want to achieve your goal, then imagine what it will feel like when you've already done it. Imagine the satisfaction you'll feel when your book manuscript is completed and polished. And imagine how wonderful it will feel to see your name on the cover of your book. Revisit this feeling of success and satisfaction every time you sit down to write, and before you realize it your dreams will come true!
To Your Success
Writing a book, or completing any other writing project, is easy when you are clear about what you want and you take steps to make it happen. With these five strategies, you can achieve any writing goal you want. So what will you accomplish?
Melinda Copp is a ghostwriter and writing coach who helps self-employed professionals, speakers, entrepreneurs, coaches, and consultants who struggle to write in a way that attracts new clients and grows their business. If you want grow your business by writing and publishing, visit www.WritersSherpaPrograms.com to get a special report on the secrets of writing to sell and a video on three written pieces that will bring you new clients and prospects FAST!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melinda_Copp
Melinda Copp - EzineArticles Expert Author
1. Define Your Goal
The first step in setting and achieving goals is to determine what exactly you want. Strong goals are specific goals. For example, "I want to devote more time to writing this year," doesn't have as much meaning as, "I will spend one hour a day writing my book." "Devoting more time to writing" offers too much flexibility. Spending one hour a day writing is much more specific and easy to understand. So be clear about what you want if you really want to see a difference.
2. Give Yourself a Deadline
Putting a deadline on your goals gives you a target to aim for and allows you to gauge your progress with a timeline. For example, if you want to write a book this year, you might give yourself an intermediate deadline for completing the first draft and a final deadline for completing your revisions. This timeframe will help you moving forward and give you checkpoints to aim for on the path to success.
3. Be Realistic, but Stretch Yourself Too
Overly lofty goals are often unattainable, which can be frustrating and disappointing. If you aim too high, then you risk giving up on your writing goals. So make sure your goal is something that you can reasonably achieve in the timeframe you've established for yourself. At the same time, don't set your goals too low. Stretching yourself a little will make your success that much sweeter-and you'll feel empowered to accomplish even more!
4. Write Your Goal Down
We've all heard that if you want to make something happen, you have to write it down. And it's true-writing down your goals gives them more power. Writing your goal in an important place that you can revisit often will help you stay focused, as opposed to writing it on a napkin or scrap of paper that eventually gets thrown away. So write your goal in your journal or on an index card that you carry with you all the time.
5. Envision Your Success
If you really want to achieve your goal, then imagine what it will feel like when you've already done it. Imagine the satisfaction you'll feel when your book manuscript is completed and polished. And imagine how wonderful it will feel to see your name on the cover of your book. Revisit this feeling of success and satisfaction every time you sit down to write, and before you realize it your dreams will come true!
To Your Success
Writing a book, or completing any other writing project, is easy when you are clear about what you want and you take steps to make it happen. With these five strategies, you can achieve any writing goal you want. So what will you accomplish?
Melinda Copp is a ghostwriter and writing coach who helps self-employed professionals, speakers, entrepreneurs, coaches, and consultants who struggle to write in a way that attracts new clients and grows their business. If you want grow your business by writing and publishing, visit www.WritersSherpaPrograms.com to get a special report on the secrets of writing to sell and a video on three written pieces that will bring you new clients and prospects FAST!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melinda_Copp
Melinda Copp - EzineArticles Expert Author
Wednesday 3 March 2010
Psychology Simplified - Improving Self-Esteem By Gerry Neale
Simplifying Psychology to improve Self Esteem is not difficult if one follows some simple steps. That anyone of us can think ourselves out of the game, unable to accomplish something and therefore all in all to want low esteem, is not an earth shattering discovery. We all know people who have a lower self-esteem than us and ones with higher. Yet we can change.
However many of us making any assessment of self-esteem, whether our own or someone else, can make a significant mis-judgment. If they assume that our calculation of our self-esteem level should be the sum total of all our abilities and disabilities and somehow averaged, they would be mistaken.
In fact, each of us is a walking bundle of self-esteem assessments, often arrived at very arbitrarily.
Let me explain. Ask a golfer what his or her handicap is and most will tell you quite authoritively what it is. The Game has a well tried formula.
Not many activities have this feature. So suppose we are given a list of activities and asked to assess our effectiveness. What do we do! Actually we call on our sub-conscious to give us the rating on each one!
So imagine this. You are given a list of 10 activities and ask to give yourself a rating (1 being really good and 50 needing a lot of improvement. I would like you to do score yourself in your mind as you read and note what happens. Ready?
Ball room dancing - cooking Thai style - Tennis - Drawing - Writing short stories - Singing - Eating sensibly - Using the Internet - Remembering birthdays and anniversaries - Public Speaking.
Do you notice how some you score highly; others you are a bit down on yourself and the remainder you are damning of yourself.
Why? Either because you are good at it or your parents or teachers told you were wasting your time even trying, or because you never done them and feel a bit inadequate.!
But some fascinating scientifically proven facts about us and the psychology behind self-esteem have emerged in recent years. Follow this simple formula and see how immediately you begin to feel better about things:
* Remind yourself of something you are good at now,
* Then recall what character traits you employed to get so good at it.
* Didn't you wanted to do it,
* Didn't you find out how.
* Didn't you apply yourself and learnt some then alien skill.
So we can rightly deduce that if we apply ourselves in the same way for another activity, using our proven character traits, then hey presto we can excel in any new skill we want to. Each skill will have its oddities to start with but, so what! we have mastered oddities before!
Simplifying the personal psychology involved immediately improves our sense of self-esteem and shows how we have a stack of eminently transferable character traits.
Select a new simple challenge and try it. You will be amazed.
However many of us making any assessment of self-esteem, whether our own or someone else, can make a significant mis-judgment. If they assume that our calculation of our self-esteem level should be the sum total of all our abilities and disabilities and somehow averaged, they would be mistaken.
In fact, each of us is a walking bundle of self-esteem assessments, often arrived at very arbitrarily.
Let me explain. Ask a golfer what his or her handicap is and most will tell you quite authoritively what it is. The Game has a well tried formula.
Not many activities have this feature. So suppose we are given a list of activities and asked to assess our effectiveness. What do we do! Actually we call on our sub-conscious to give us the rating on each one!
So imagine this. You are given a list of 10 activities and ask to give yourself a rating (1 being really good and 50 needing a lot of improvement. I would like you to do score yourself in your mind as you read and note what happens. Ready?
Ball room dancing - cooking Thai style - Tennis - Drawing - Writing short stories - Singing - Eating sensibly - Using the Internet - Remembering birthdays and anniversaries - Public Speaking.
Do you notice how some you score highly; others you are a bit down on yourself and the remainder you are damning of yourself.
Why? Either because you are good at it or your parents or teachers told you were wasting your time even trying, or because you never done them and feel a bit inadequate.!
But some fascinating scientifically proven facts about us and the psychology behind self-esteem have emerged in recent years. Follow this simple formula and see how immediately you begin to feel better about things:
* Remind yourself of something you are good at now,
* Then recall what character traits you employed to get so good at it.
* Didn't you wanted to do it,
* Didn't you find out how.
* Didn't you apply yourself and learnt some then alien skill.
So we can rightly deduce that if we apply ourselves in the same way for another activity, using our proven character traits, then hey presto we can excel in any new skill we want to. Each skill will have its oddities to start with but, so what! we have mastered oddities before!
Simplifying the personal psychology involved immediately improves our sense of self-esteem and shows how we have a stack of eminently transferable character traits.
Select a new simple challenge and try it. You will be amazed.
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Mentoring Tips - Because We All Need a Good Mentor By Delia Robinson
Our earliest mentors are usually family members. We go to them when we need advice, guidance and help. As we grow up, we still need support, even if we don't like to admit it. Workplace mentors are often part of your induction training, designed to give you personal support as you take on a new position and new responsibilities.
A mentor helps you on a one-to-one basis, rather than in a formal training program. They are there to guide you, give you advice and help you when you need it. A good mentor will not tell you what to do, or do it for you, but rather they will question, challenge and prompt you to work out solutions and make decisions for yourself. A mentor is usually older than you, but is always someone with more knowledge and experience in the position or industry you are in. Whether your mentor is helping you at work or in your personal life, there are a few points to remember that will help you gain the most from your mentoring relationship.
1. Mentoring is a confidential relationship
Whether it's embarrassing or incriminating, what you share with your mentor is confidential. You need to be able to share your fears, concerns and problems with your mentor, without fear of it becoming office gossip. The relationship therefore must be based on mutual trust and open communication.
2. Mentoring is about communication
In order for your mentor to be able to guide and advise you, he or she must know what you are thinking, what your concerns are and what obstacles you may be facing. Honest, open communication is vital to any good relationship, and mentoring is no different.
3. Mentoring is about accepting help
People are often reluctant to accept advice from others. As a child you were encouraged to be independent, to do things and solve your problems yourself. Now you're all grown up, you've got to accept help again! Often, people don't want to accept help because they think it will be seen as a sign of weakness or lack of capability. Your mentor wants to help you - and they have the experience to know when you need it, so let them do what they are supposed to do.
4. You will be challenged
A good mentor will challenge you to extend yourself beyond your comfort zone. This will be uncomfortable for you, and even a little scary, and you may resent being pushed. However, rising to the challenge allows you to grow, develop and learn.
5. Be willing to learn
Accepting that you do have things to learn, about life, people, the job or the industry, will help you to accept the guidance offered by your mentor. As you learn, you will develop the confidence and skills you need to accept the new responsibilities. After all, if you knew it all already, you'd be the mentor!
6. Mentors come from all walks of life
Workplace mentors, and personal mentors in particular, may be people that you did not realize had so much to contribute to your development as a human being. Many personal mentors start out as friends, because friendship builds the trust required in order for you to confide in someone and take their advice. Life lessons can be learnt from the homeless man in the park, if you just stop and listen.
Having a good mentor can guide you through many areas of your life. Every change in your life, whether personal or work related, demands new skills, new knowledge or new experience from you. Whether you're getting married, having a baby, starting a new job or opening your own business, advice from people you trust, whose knowledge and experience is greater than yours, can only be of benefit to you.
There are several online mentoring programs that can help you progress and overcome the obstacles you face. I've benefited from the guidance I received from iDuplicate. Check out my website http://www.deliarobinsonlive.com for more information about iDuplicate.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Delia_Robinson
A mentor helps you on a one-to-one basis, rather than in a formal training program. They are there to guide you, give you advice and help you when you need it. A good mentor will not tell you what to do, or do it for you, but rather they will question, challenge and prompt you to work out solutions and make decisions for yourself. A mentor is usually older than you, but is always someone with more knowledge and experience in the position or industry you are in. Whether your mentor is helping you at work or in your personal life, there are a few points to remember that will help you gain the most from your mentoring relationship.
1. Mentoring is a confidential relationship
Whether it's embarrassing or incriminating, what you share with your mentor is confidential. You need to be able to share your fears, concerns and problems with your mentor, without fear of it becoming office gossip. The relationship therefore must be based on mutual trust and open communication.
2. Mentoring is about communication
In order for your mentor to be able to guide and advise you, he or she must know what you are thinking, what your concerns are and what obstacles you may be facing. Honest, open communication is vital to any good relationship, and mentoring is no different.
3. Mentoring is about accepting help
People are often reluctant to accept advice from others. As a child you were encouraged to be independent, to do things and solve your problems yourself. Now you're all grown up, you've got to accept help again! Often, people don't want to accept help because they think it will be seen as a sign of weakness or lack of capability. Your mentor wants to help you - and they have the experience to know when you need it, so let them do what they are supposed to do.
4. You will be challenged
A good mentor will challenge you to extend yourself beyond your comfort zone. This will be uncomfortable for you, and even a little scary, and you may resent being pushed. However, rising to the challenge allows you to grow, develop and learn.
5. Be willing to learn
Accepting that you do have things to learn, about life, people, the job or the industry, will help you to accept the guidance offered by your mentor. As you learn, you will develop the confidence and skills you need to accept the new responsibilities. After all, if you knew it all already, you'd be the mentor!
6. Mentors come from all walks of life
Workplace mentors, and personal mentors in particular, may be people that you did not realize had so much to contribute to your development as a human being. Many personal mentors start out as friends, because friendship builds the trust required in order for you to confide in someone and take their advice. Life lessons can be learnt from the homeless man in the park, if you just stop and listen.
Having a good mentor can guide you through many areas of your life. Every change in your life, whether personal or work related, demands new skills, new knowledge or new experience from you. Whether you're getting married, having a baby, starting a new job or opening your own business, advice from people you trust, whose knowledge and experience is greater than yours, can only be of benefit to you.
There are several online mentoring programs that can help you progress and overcome the obstacles you face. I've benefited from the guidance I received from iDuplicate. Check out my website http://www.deliarobinsonlive.com for more information about iDuplicate.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Delia_Robinson
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